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Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Wed Aug 13, 2014 5:14 pm

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Wed Aug 13, 2014 5:14 pm

I hope other people are reading this.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:11 am

Unread postby Flak » Thu Aug 14, 2014 9:11 am

Saki is, and my brother J, and maybe one or two other people who knows.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Alar on Sun Aug 17, 2014 6:59 pm

Unread postby Alar » Sun Aug 17, 2014 6:59 pm

I'm supposed to read this, right? I'll definitely do it this week! At work! :D
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:29 am

Unread postby Flak » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:29 am

How did reading go?
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Saurus on Wed Aug 27, 2014 2:37 pm

Unread postby Saurus » Wed Aug 27, 2014 2:37 pm

I have some free time tomorow, so I'll give this a shot then, see if I get hooked. No promises though! Internet reading isn't nearly as available to me as is dead-tree reading.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:02 pm

Unread postby Flak » Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:02 pm

Yeah no pressure dude :) Maybe you'll like it!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:25 am

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:25 am

UPDATE WHEN!?!??!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Saurus on Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:22 am

Unread postby Saurus » Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:22 am

It has been read. I'll elaborate later this weekend or early next week, as I'm leaving house again in an hour. Bye!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:03 pm

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:03 pm

No one in Europe actually stays in their own home for more than a few hours at a time. Keeps the wallmasters from grabbing them.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Sat Aug 30, 2014 5:55 pm

Unread postby Flak » Sat Aug 30, 2014 5:55 pm

Sorry KCG, gonna be a bit before more. Saurus... ahhh :o
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:33 am

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Mon Sep 01, 2014 10:33 am

A bit!? Well at least it's not as much as a byte.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:08 pm

Unread postby Flak » Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:08 pm

LOL. sorry this next section is really hard :(
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Saurus on Wed Sep 03, 2014 1:51 pm

Unread postby Saurus » Wed Sep 03, 2014 1:51 pm

Back again. I’ll put it all in spoilers, just to be sure.


[Reveal] Spoiler:
I’ll forgo cushions and padding, ‘cause I know you can take a critic ;) I honestly love most of your writing, but this one unfortunately couldn’t pull my strings.

I’ll start of with the neutrals.
The writing translates in my head like an anime, which I’m assuming is intentional. Every scene has a particular sense of uncanniness and a certain slowness. This is something I’ve come to associate with animes in general, though I’ll admit my experience with animes is limited. Most notable instances of this are the graveyard scene, where Sasha cries against the back of Joel, when Sasha and Joel go to have dinner with Sasha’s dad, and when Kagami suddenly kisses Sasha. I couldn’t point you at specific aspects that make these scenes more ‘anime’ than the rest though. It’s a general feeling I get from the atmosphere, set-up and reactions of the characters. This isn’t a bad thing per se, but has triggered the occasional half-smile and ‘only in anime’ sentiment.

The storyline so far is hard for me to get excited about. I know I have to accept some improbabilities in favor of the story, but time-travel for me wreaks havoc on the verisimilitude of any setting it features in. You’d have to build in some exceptionally solid logics for me to accept it as viable. It could still happen, but this gets me on my toes real quick. You used the characters to mock the unlikelihood of time-travel. I’m interpreting that particular scene as a fourth wall breaker in disguise, telling the reader to just go with it. That didn’t help much to diminish my skepticism.

The characters themselves are written well enough, but unfortunately they fail to raise my interest. Joel hasn’t shown much of a history worth discovering or a goal to help him root for. Sasha’s background is plenty colorful, though it doesn’t seem to influence her overtly much in any significant way. Her personality isn’t my cup of tea either, doing plenty of moping and being melancholic. She’d have to step up her game big time for me to be endeared by her. Kagami isn’t explored much, so I haven’t much of an opinion on her.

All in all, the combination of a story-line I’m skeptical about, characters that don’t captivate me all that much and an atmosphere of uncanny valley permeating most of the scenes and character reactions makes this hard reading for me. I’m going to finish of by stating you should still be excited about this and enjoy writing it!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:53 am

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:53 am

Saurus kinda nailed it.
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:35 pm

Unread postby Flak » Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:35 pm

Well, thanks for reading! I think to an extent I'm writing a pathos that some people will identify with and others will find uncanny. Sasha's introversion is pretty extreme and it's not particularly easy to read. Thanks for giving it a shot!
Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:35 am

Unread postby Flak » Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:35 am

Hey @KingCrazyGenius, I have 3 or so new chapters. I think you'll like them. I'll post them up soon and then report it here.
Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:46 pm

Unread postby Flak » Wed Jul 29, 2015 4:46 pm

EDIT: WAIT! I just realized I never linked the previous chapter. If the last one you read was "Kagami means mirror" then you need to read this one https://mpruess5.wordpress.com/2014/09/22/september-21/ before "Oh Sushi"

Here you go: https://mpruess5.wordpress.com/2015/07/29/oh-sushi/
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Tue Aug 04, 2015 12:26 pm

Unread postby Flak » Tue Aug 04, 2015 12:26 pm

Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Tue Aug 25, 2015 9:38 am

Unread postby Flak » Tue Aug 25, 2015 9:38 am

Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:11 am

Unread postby Flak » Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:11 am

Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:08 pm

Unread postby Flak » Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:08 pm

Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Thu Nov 05, 2015 4:08 pm

Unread postby Flak » Thu Nov 05, 2015 4:08 pm

Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:41 am

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:41 am

You're slipping Flak! I demand fanfiction of your own unmade manga!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby Flak on Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:51 pm

Unread postby Flak » Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:51 pm

Yeah I slipped a lot. I don't know why I thought I could do it. I have like 3 political actions this week, not to mention my paid work. I'll try to get back on the boat on Friday.
Flak wrote:annual rice tax!
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Re: Flak's NaNoWriMo 2013

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius on Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:11 pm

Unread postby KingCrazyGenius » Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:11 pm

What political action could possibly be more important than your art? Empires come and go like the wind: literature is eternal.
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