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6/7/09 A Thing of the Past – TOH Chapter 17

By Flak | Proceed to Story | Comments: 9

My productivity returns, and along with it, Tundra of Heroes!

Today is a good day. I have completed Tundra of Heroes Chapters 17 and 18, and am posting writings on Dreams of the Quill again.

This chapter was a tough one to write. It brutalized me, but I brutalized it right back, I think.

I wanted to do something weird, I wanted to bring Jeuni’s story back in somehow. What better way than to have one of the actors in Jeuni’s story who knows the past—the giant, the beastman, Aranji Herald of Harnecia—talk about the past? Through him, we learn more of the changes the world has gone through since the founding of Byhr.

And then Tomora Ynthon, political animal that he was already at the tender age of twelve, gives us the same treatment, discussing the founding of Byhr with his aide in the context of Harnecia’s fall from a golden age of academia (Grandpa Snow).

I’m very pleased with how this chapter turned out, but I’m afraid it might be slightly confusing, especially for those of you who haven’t read the first part and don’t know anything about Jeuni Huros and his trip to the South. Um… if you haven’t read the first part, there’s not much I can do for you. I could suggest you read it, but I’ll have to warn you it’s not as well written as the current stuff.

For those of you who HAVE read the first part, the “Side B” of this chapter takes place during Chapter 8, right after the party finds the obelisk.

Apologies for the heavy emotional reminiscing on Grandpa Snow’s part in “Side A.”

Hopefully, this chapter is as fun for you to read as it was for me to write.

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  1. I’m hungry. Bring me a burrito and I’ll read it.

    ReplyReply

    Karamazov — 6/7/09 @ 3:51 pm | #Link |

  2. B et C are a bit expositiony. The chapter also suffers from a lack of burrito.

    To help me get back into the swingothings here, could you go over the relative times of the three stories once more? (Jeuni, young Ynthon, Del Noi’s co-murderer)

    ReplyReply

    Karamazov — 6/7/09 @ 4:03 pm | #Link |

  3. Yeah they are. :\
    Hadn’t really thought about that, fff, etc.

    Any suggestions, barring burritos?

    As for relative times:

    Let’s call Byhr’s founding “year 0″
    Jeuni’s story would be around year 50
    Young Ynthon’s story would be around year 23
    Intra’s story would be around year -20

    ReplyReply

    Flak — 6/7/09 @ 10:23 pm | #Link |

  4. Thanks for the datecheck. As for improving it, Side B is the most bothersome by far. I feel like there is little purpose to driving the story – which the beastman as good as admits, even. Instead, it comes across as an artificial tie-in to Intra’s story, to no real purpose.

    Side C is in far better shape, with character interaction, a more meaningful/appropriate/revealing substory, and a very good close. Even barring my criticisms for side B, though, I would avoid putting two ‘exposition’ sides in the same chapter. Mix it up a bit and the exposition will complement the more plot-oriented parts. Side A and C together make a good chapter.

    ReplyReply

    Karamazov — 6/9/09 @ 1:06 am | #Link |

  5. I see your points. Side B was really an experiment, and one that I thought had gone well at the time. I’d like to hear some more opinions on it before I deem it a dismal failure… but there’s definitely room for change.

    ReplyReply

    Flak — 6/9/09 @ 3:18 pm | #Link |

  6. At the end of TOH, will we get a timeline?

    ReplyReply

    Jason — 6/15/09 @ 10:32 pm | #Link |

  7. Maybe. Or maybe you’ll get one before the end. Or maybe if there weren’t huge gaps in your reading experience, you wouldn’t need one.

    ReplyReply

    Flak — 6/15/09 @ 10:39 pm | #Link |

  8. the bit about “senility” is brilliant.
    actually, all of side a is great. all gorgeously done, – up to the last few lines where he snaps, which are good, but cannot sustain the descriptor gorgeous.
    I really like the tie to the legend of the shaded orchard. echoing earlier when he wrote it as one version of his introduction. as a scientist he scorns religion, and has thence an obsession with it; he’s spent his life in pursuit of a ‘truth’ that will validate his scorn; this has not been gratifying.

    side b felt strange. the beastman’s dialogue didn’t feel right. maybe it’s been too long since part 1.
    i like the idea of the insertion, random vignette of someone else reminiscing. it can work for the reminiscence to be somewhat broken, but somehow it didn’t feel completely right. hm.

    c was alright. kinda funny. could have been even funnier. it was a bit brief, but the abruptness wors on the humor of it. ending on “oh shit, jung’s gonna get it now”

    ReplyReply

    spambot — 7/21/09 @ 8:00 pm | #Link |

  9. Thanks for all the feedback, spambot. I was considering just scratching Side B but now I think I’ll try to revisit it instead.

    ReplyReply

    Flak — 7/23/09 @ 9:41 am | #Link |

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