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10/11/08 Don’t Ask

By Alar | Comments: 8

Flak told me to channel my energy into being creative. This probably isn’t what he expected.

Tonight hasn"t been going so well. That"s what I told myself as I walked down the sidewalk, orange light coming down from above. Things definitely could have been better.

I felt sharp gravel dig into my feet as I crossed an alleyway, shoes long discarded. I hadn"t thought much of the buzzing sounds I was hearing at first, but now it was really starting to get on my nerves. There had been a hope inside me that I would just eventually stop caring if I walked long enough, but thenĶ what about my friends? I wasn"t sure if I could even call them that anymore. After the words and blows we"d sharedĶ no, they weren"t friends anymore. It really was best if I stopped caring about them.

Strangely, I grew more and more acutely aware of the orange light as I walked. It was late at night, and I was still getting warmer. What was a jacket or a shirt now that I"d lost my shoes? No, it was best not to care about those thingsĶ if I was going to be walking I was going to do it comfortably.

The buzzing stopped, finally. It really had been annoying. The top of a hill was steadily approaching as I walked along now, leaves and trash and other debris slapping me in the face or chest. Blood was trickling down my armsĶ it was almost a funny sensation when you didn"t pay attention to it, or try to recognize it for what it meant.

I was so close to the top of the hill. My steady going was starting to decline, and I felt my body being weighed down as I struggled to make it to the top, working not to care about it.

As I reached the top, an orange sky met me, and I opened my arms.

And then I burst into flame.

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  1. Is the name of this piece “Greeting Planet X?” x]
     
    More like this, Alar. I know I’ve told you this before, but it doesn’t really matter what. Just write. Just draw. The more you do, the better you’ll do. The better it’ll be, the better it’ll be for you, etc.
     
    We should probably give this better tags and category than non and Site News. I’m not sure if this is a short story, so how about “General Writings?” As for tags, I don’t know, choose some stuff.
     
    “Acute” isn’t the word you want to use where you use it, by the way. You can’t be acute of something. (Acutely aware of, yes. Other constructions like that, too.)
     
    There were one or two awkward sentences, but mostly this was fun to read. It was refreshing.
     
    Ohhhh and instead of “or other debris” I might say “and other debris”—it sounds more like the speaker knows what he/she is talking about.

    Flak — 10/12/08 @ 6:08 am | #Link | Reply

  2. Thanks Flak. Your support and criticism is always appreciated. I also drew this last night: http://sinju-stormbringer.deviantart.com/art/Corporate-Fighting-100486081

    Alar — 10/12/08 @ 9:27 am | #Link | Reply

  3. uh… I’m a bit lost, I’m guessing this is from some kind of novel? well, either way, I like how descriptive it is, I prob couldn’t write anything anymore. And I was never good at it to begin with.

    Ironically, I’ve never heard Flak say “it doesn"t really matter what. Just write. Just draw. The more you do, the better you"ll do. The better it"ll be, the better it"ll be for you, etc.” or anything of the sort to be before when I stopped drawing…

    TNH — 10/12/08 @ 5:46 pm | #Link | Reply

  4. @Alar: cool, awesome to see that, keep it up—as you know, I’m watching you on DA ;)
     
    @TNH: it’s just a random piece of writing, TNH. Don’t try to figure out what it is :P
     
    And when did you stop drawing? I can’t remember precisely, but you were probably being emo and unreasonable and weren’t listening to whatever I was saying anyway. Either that, or you were offline playing some video game for a couple weeks. If it’s the latter, then that’s not even “stopped drawing.” Alar’s been unproductive for a year. You’ve been drawing a lot of awesome stuff. There’s a huge difference.
     
    That said, though, if you want me to say it to you I will. It goes for everyone, I think, and I repeat it to Alar because he resists it the most. :)

    Flak — 10/12/08 @ 11:36 pm | #Link | Reply

  5. Exquisitly abstruse.

    Saurus — 10/13/08 @ 11:07 am | #Link | Reply

  6. I’m glad you found it so difficult to understand, Saurus! Thank you. And as to TNH, thank you for your (somewhat confused) support!

    Alar — 10/13/08 @ 12:10 pm | #Link | Reply

  7. I like it, especially the very distracted narration. Evocative and brief, leaving the reader to freely wonder about all of the unknowns that could make up the backdrop or context for a scene like this. How much is literal? Who is the character? Where? What was the buzzing? Is it significant that the sky is orange, or is it a completely normal setting that this person is fixated on for some reason? etc.
    Nicely put together.

    spambot — 10/15/08 @ 8:14 am | #Link | Reply

  8. Spambot… you are awesome.

    Alar — 10/15/08 @ 6:37 pm | #Link | Reply

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