Dreams of the Quill

’till I collapse… I’ll uh… let the poison spill from my throat?

Genesis 46. Grandsons = sons

It’s interesting how even now, God is just “the God of his father Isaac.” I think this shows a certain separation between Jacob and faith. And while he has some ability to uh, believe, I guess, in God, and to respect him as someone that other people have faith in, he doesn’t seem too zealous in his religion. He offers sacrifices—but not to HIS god. To his FATHER’S god. And maybe that’s one thing that’s made him more efficient/resourceful/strategic than his predecessors. He’s not bound by blind faith. He views God objectively.

Anyway, God talks to Jacob for the first(?) time and tells him to go to Egypt.

Verses 8-26 are just a listing of all of Jacob’s sons and grandsons who went to Egypt with him. Verse 26, oddly enough, proclaims that 66+2=70. Now, I was stuck at straight Bs in middle school math, so I’m not sure, but that looks a little…

Joseph appears before Jacob once the whole clan of Jews finds its way into Egypt (so, what, Esau and his people all die from the famine, or something?) and cries a bit, and Jacob says he’s ready to die because Joseph is still alive. Instead of saying dramatic shit like that, he should mend his clothes.

Joseph then gives Jacob et al instructions on how to present themselves to the king of Egypt. I noted in Leore’s post that Joseph tells them to call themselves the Pharaoh’s servants. Note that I noted this in Leore’s post, and not in the text—reading it, it seemed more natural than anything else. Especially for Jacob, who’s extremely good as prostration. So I don’t know how interesting that is, seems more run of the mill than anything.

As for the shepherds holy/disgusting thing, I think that’s more a matter of culture shock than religion. Canaan was a land for livestock and Egypt was a place where everyone grew grain. It makes sense that neighboring semi-hostile (”they are spies!”) countries have low regard for each other’s way of life. Though I guess there’s also the possibility that because so many animals were considered sacred in Egyptian mythology, people who herd sheps were kinda evil in Egyptian eyes.

Genesis 47. Partly reasonable, partly ridiculous.

Joseph presents his family to Pharaoh and Pharaoh approves so they get their cake. And it wasn’t a lie and it was delicious.

Pharaoh then says that if any of Joseph’s family is extremely skilled, let them tend his own livestock. What? I thought shepherds were an aberration for the Egyptians! Yet they have livestock? Knock knock?

There go my culture shock AND sanctity theories, right down the drain.

Jacob blesses Pharaoh before AND after being interrogated about his age.

And now for the ridiculous:

Joseph forces Egypt to sell themselves (that is, the animals, land, and humans, all of Egypt, all of itself) in return for food. I thought that the Jewish stinginess/miserliness thing derived from observed behavior in real life, but apparently it has roots in the Bible! C’mon, Jews, you’re the ones who wrote this part of the book. You could have given yourselves a better impression…

And I’m not going to go into further depth on the selling thing because it has put me in despair.

At the end of the chapter, Jacob’s about to die, and gets Joseph to promise to bury him in Canaan.

Genesis 48. Jacob is still dying…

“Some time later,” (that is, after Jacob told him he was sick and dying and wanted to be buried in Canaan) Joseph was told that his father was ill. He responded with an angry “what’s new?” Oh wait, that was me. Joseph responds by bringing his sons to Jacob to receive his blessing.

Jacob tells Joseph all about his experiences with God and what God told him either directly or indirectly over time. Joseph nods because he’s God and knows everything he’s said.

Jacob then blesses Ephraim with his right hand as if Ephraim were the firstborn and blesses Manasseh with his left hand as if he were not the firstborn. Joseph objects but Jacob makes it clear that this was fully intentional. Hopefully Manasseh is less boxcutters insane than, say, Esau, and doesn’t mind as much, ’cause you know, they’re brothers, and brothers are there for each other, and it really doesn’t matter which one inherits what so long as they’re together and care for each other.

I think that’s been one really bad message from the Bible so far, actually: why so much strife between siblings? It’s wrong!

In his “last moments” (though he’ll probably live another 20 years like Isaac) Jacob tells Joseph that God will eventually bring him back to Canaan. And then he says something about some land he took from Amorites with a sword and a bow, even though I’m fairly sure Jacob never used a sword or bow, ever. He wasn’t Esau, he was Jacob! C’mon!

Genesis 49. Jacob is a flashpoet.

He curses Reuben for sleeping with his wives and defiling his couch. Hahaha, couches.

He denounces Simeon and Levi’s violence.

He blesses Judah, telling him everyone will bow to him. I guess this is contrary to Joseph’s sheaf thing, unless the sheaf thing was meant to be the temporary state of affairs whilst they lingered in Egypt, and the Judah ruling thing was meant for the long run, when Judah’s descendants become like, the messiah, or something ridiculous and impossible like that.

Jacob also establishes purple and red as the colors of royalty. Way to go, precedents!

Jacob makes Zebulun into a harbor. Human harbors? Women of the time? … sex changes? I swear I’m onto something.

Issachar becomes a donkey forced to do forced labor, poor guy.

Dan provides justice while being a serpent, which is a clash of metaphors Orwell would be greatly displeased with. Serpents are devils (according to the dictionary definitions, not the religious one, of course).

Gad apparently will be attacked by raiders and then strike their heels.

Man, what the heck is up with heels in the Bible! It’s like every single person is an Achilles or something. Esau should have put his foot in a concrete hover-block, then Jacob wouldn’t have been able to grab it.

Asher becomes the first patissier.

Naphtali is a doe? I thought these were his sons? … again, I’m going somewhere. I know it.

Joseph is most blessed by God.

Benjamin is a ravenous wolf, and we could really see that with the Ehud guy in Judges 3.

Anyway, the twelve blessings become twelve tribes of Israel and Jacoh says he wants to be buried where Sarah and Abraham are buried (remember the first bit of land that was ever bought) and then Jacob dies.

Genesis 50. Like father, like son.

They both die :( :( :(

Anyway, if Egyptian physicians embalmed Jacob and Joseph, then their mummies should be out there somewhere. If they’re not, they weren’t embalmed by Egyptian physicians, and the Bible is full of lies!

Anyway Egypt goes on a pilgrimage to Canaan to bury Jacob. With Jacob dead, his sons start fearing that Joseph will get back at them. Yeah right, he laughs, with his holier-than-thou God complex attitude. Then they live happily ever after in Egypt. Until Joseph dies. Then they live mournfully ever after in Egypt.

It’s funny, in G50:23, that it mentions the third generation of Ephraim’s children first. I guess that’s a symbol of how fulfilling Joseph’s life was, what with being able to see the third generation of his younger son, but that idea is struck down with lightning by Manasseh’s grandchildren being mentioned afterward. Ephraim’s being mentioned first makes sense in so far as Jacob blessed him as the firstborn, but then the whole firstborn thing kind of ruins any significance that G50:23 might have.

Ah well. Joseph wasn’t buried in the cave in Canaan, he’s a rebel.