Once upon a time, though not so long ago, and actually so very recent that it may very well be happening at this very moment, there lived a young man named Flak. Flak watches sequals before the originals so he knows right away whether the main character dies in the first one. This keeps him sane.
The Return of Flak vs. The Loli
Gueststarring Alar as The Loli
It was an unusual twist of fate that May afternoon when Flak found himself, with no real explanation, in the midst of a shopping mall. Flak knew he had to find a way out, but having little shopping experience he only knew how to get himself more lost. After a mere ten steps he found himself face to face with a clearence rack the size of the Moon.
He was about to either ask for help or burn the walls down, when he heard a frantic cry. Realizing that trying to avoid the sound would amount to nothing, Flak activated his running shoes and ran to help the creator of the cry, who turned out to be an employee of the clothing store that Flak happened to be in (perhaps Bloomingdales). Asking the distraught woman what had happened to make her make such a sound, the employee tearfully explained at all of the little girl mannequins had been stolen by an ugly kid wearing ribbons. Flak put 2 (ugly kid) and 2 (ribbons) together, and came to the righteous conclusion that his Arch Enemy, The Loli, was at work here.
Using his keen sense of smell to track the scent of the mannequin, Flak wandered from store to store, finding that many more lolita mannequins had been stolen. Finally, he dove into the water fountain and swam to the secret base under the water fountain, where the trail had ended.
Popping his head out of the water, Flak saw a proverbial mountain of mannequins, many of which lacked heads, arms, or torsos as the case may be. Swimming through the mountain was The Loli. Flak’s first instinct was to blast the mountain with heat vision, thus trapping The Loli in boiling plastic, but then he remembered that the stores would want these back.
So instead, he sat down and waited. After several seconds of doing so, The Loli emerged from the mountain, horribly bruised and disfigured. After all, a big pile of mannequins is hardly comfortable. Too pained and exhausted to move, The Loli could only stare and weep as Flak alerted the stores to the location of the mannequins and locked The Loli away in a wet paper bag.
After all of this, the Bloomingdales employee bought Flak a hot fudge sundae and gave him her home phone number. What he did with it is anyone’s guess. Except The Loli; he doesn’t get a guess.