CoM | Previous: The Creation - HC Prologue
Next: Late, thanks to Amicar- HC Chapter 02
Flak's Avatar

7/9/06 Hunter Chronicles Rebirth - Chapter 01

By Flak | Proceed to Story | Comments: 10

Yeah, I’m serious. Be sure to read the release notes.

Well folks, on July second, I hinted at having some content that would interest people from the war3forums, “if only because war3forumers were the first to whom related content were exposed.” Well, if you’re one of those coolcats, you would know that the first place I ever exposed the Hunter Chronicles at was, in fact, war3.net. Even more specifically, it was exposed at the behest of KingCrazyGenius.

I’ve been working on this new content since around May, on and off, touching things up here and polishing others up there. Stacking up and cutting down. Some time and effort in, and I think that we’re well on our way to having a version of the Hunter Chronicles that will reach completion on dotq.org. Basically, I’m rewriting it, scrapping all previously written material. The background and world are the same, the characters are the same, and the progression should be more or less the same, but the new version is not merely a series of revisions. It’s a full rewrite. It should stand on its own without previous HC-related knowledge. It should work on its own without perusing the nineteen chapters of the previous Crystals of Mana that are on this site.

If it doesn’t, that’s a problem that should be addressed in the comments, just like any grammatical error you happen to come across and dislike. Please, this is not a final work. I’m proofing as much as I can, but there’s only so much I can read into my own writing. If you come across a mistake, please notify me of it.

So, please take a peek at this new chapter, and if it interests you, stay with me as I post chapters over time in the future. Give me feedback if possible, but if you just read it and enjoy it that’s grea too. Keep in mind that HC has always been and will always be my most extensive work, even moreso as versions accumulate and overlap and obsolete eachother. Works like For the Pen simply don’t have the depth that comes from having more than 200 pages previously written on the same happenings in the same world. If you like reading big things, you’ll enjoy HC. It is big and it will only get bigger.

Ah, and thanks to GheoFabulousDuk and Alar for some light proofreading on this first chapter.

Notes on this chapter: for the confused, this chapter starts us off with Gem as a twenty year old in Verga City, around the time of chapter 9 in the previous Crystals of Mana. We’re skipping the first seven chapters of the previous COM (they might reappear in flashbacks later on) and what was chapter 8 (Mana and Julien’s departure from the Mana Palace) will still occur, just… next chapter, not now.

Read the Chapter
CoM | Previous: The Creation - HC Prologue
Next: Late, thanks to Amicar- HC Chapter 02

Part 1: Gem
 Part 2: Mist
 Part 3: Julien


TrackBack URI Blog Responses (0)

Post a Text Comment Text Comments (10)

  1. Impressive. Really, I have to just say that. I don’t mind stories that don’t start at the beginning, in fact sometimes I enjoy them even more if they give me a small chance to try and deduce more about the history of them on my own. I do so enjoy your writing, and maybe it’s just my current mood, but I really liked reading this, and was pretty well caught onto it. Keep it up, but for now I’m going to go check the other chapters out.
    -
    Oh, and I found a small error I believe at the beginning of the sentence at the end of paragraph 33. The ‘He took taking only the time to ensure that his push forward would not send him off balance before turning tail and fleeing.’ I’m pretty sure the ‘took taking’ is an error.

    Alar — 8/17/06 @ 8:35 pm | #Link | Reply

  2. Ack, those are the sorts of things that get by me… thanks Alar, corrected it!

    Flak — 8/17/06 @ 8:46 pm | #Link | Reply

  3. Hullow! Excellent chapter! It’s really much different than before… Though maybe I shouldn’t risk my reputation as a …erm…. postee by stating the obvious like that… Especially If I sound wrong. Anyways, I also got really caught up in it. I look forward to reading the rest tonight… Oh, dear, I hope I have time.

    I also found a few confusions, but most of them were only brief and of little importance, the only one I can remember was “…Gemǃ�s green hair had meant nothing but strife throughout his days. Since the last living person heǃ�d known to have it died, heǃ�d seen himself as alone in the world, without family.” Which was only startling in that It brought up by itself a bit of a fallacy. Couldn’t Gem have “died” his hair? lol. It’s really great! Okay, gotta go! :)

    Alina — 10/3/06 @ 6:42 am | #Link | Reply

  4. Hmm, they don’t have hair dye in this world! I win!
    –
    Thanks for your kind comments, Alina.

    Flak — 10/3/06 @ 6:46 am | #Link | Reply

  5. Okay… Finished it. Whew. It was good, though …. Even though it took me forever to finish, trust me, i’m just busy…. I was working on a PowerPoint today… :D And I’m all smug ‘cus it’s done. Anyways, more comments.

    I really like your dialog… It’s CLEVER. And that’s a hard thing to have in a piece… Sorta like how Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” had CLEVER dialog…. The only thing that sorta buggs me is that it reads sorta like a computer game or something… It might not bother a lot of people, but it sounds a bit like an rpg game to me… Which is why the most accurate writer to compare it to is Christopher Paolini, the author of the Inheritence books (trilogy?), which also reads like an rpg game. You know what I mean?

    Don’t let that dampen your day. It’s not a terrible thing. Just consider how well Paolini’s books sold! and Crystals of Mana is even BETTER than that trilogy so far. I look forward to “getting to” the next chapter :)

    Alina — 10/15/06 @ 12:37 pm | #Link | Reply

  6. Thanks Alina.
    –
    The “RPGness” of the dialog is most likely the cause of all that anime I watch. I don’t really read real books all that often, so it’s easy to see where my influences lie. It’s a shortcoming in my eyes, but it’s not something I can very easily change without swamping myself in literature- which won’t happen.
    –
    Anyway, glad you like it so far, and I hope I won’t disappoint you with future chapters.

    Flak — 10/15/06 @ 2:27 pm | #Link | Reply

  7. First up, re that last comment from Alina above me - that’s exactly what I was thinking after reading a quarter of this chapter, that it reminded me very much of anime like Naruto. It’s something I could see being presented in that format.

    You should try reading ‘real’ books. You don’t have to change your writing style but it will broaden your knowledge of what can be done in fantasy. :)

    Okay - Possible errors…

    “He lost the last of the laze”

    Maybe laze should be laziness? You can laze around…but I don’t think you can lose your laze.

    “After a two minutes of pursuit”

    Either delete the ‘a’ or removes the ’s’ from minutes.

    “and tossed a couple projectile blades”

    Tossed a couple ‘of’

    “with each succeeding attack”

    Successive attack. Succeeding sounds like he’s actually hitting him.

    “Gem, dodging and deflecting”

    Gem dodged and deflected.

    “I am Legend Reborn.”

    I am…Rand Al’Thor. No…wait… :D

    Hum…if you don’t read books you might not get that heh.

    Okay, apart from all that, the writing style is good, engaging enough to the reader. Your action scenes didn’t seem forced. I can see you’re a big fan of descriptive writing (similar to Tolkien or Robert Jordan). I tend to focus more on dialogue and characterisation than intricate descriptions but that’s just my style. I didn’t have any problem reading them, but I will admit I do tend to gloss over really long descriptive passages cause they bore me to tears.

    Safety note here - don’t play with pliers. I just cut myself as I was typing this :p

    Anyways, on the whole, I don’t have much else to say about this chapter. I’ll continue to read and comment on each successive chapter over the coming weeks.

    ~Vags

    Vagrant — 6/6/07 @ 5:00 am | #Link | Reply

  8. >>your corrections
    Yeah, you’re right on all of them. Most of them were careless (like the a) but sometimes my grasp on the English language simply fails me @_@
    –
    This is the kind of feedback I need, and I thank you for it. Changes will be made.
    –
    As for “if you don’t read books you might not get that”… come on, even I have read the Wheel of Time. XP
    –
    EDIT: fixed the errors you pointed out :)

    Flak — 6/6/07 @ 5:23 am | #Link | Reply

  9. It has been a long time since Iǃ�ve read any HC, and I am trying to remember how this compares to earlier drafts. Overall, I think the writing is better, though I canǃ�t say exactly how it is an improvement (my memory is failing me, sadly). However, I can identify what I liked and disliked, and what I thought was well-done and what could use a second look (and \
    possibly revision).

    First of all, I think the inter-character dialogue was excellent. My recollection of the overall plot is hazy, and so I had a slightly better grasp of what the characters were talking about and referring to. However, I still got a sense that a lot of different forces were at work behind the scenes, as it were. Personally, I think thatǃ�s a good thing, since a new reader will feel immersed by the plot.

    The second point I want to make is that I am not sure about the first few paragraphs. The opening line: ǃ?Vergaǃ�s spring moon is awe-inspiring to behold.ǃ? I donǃ�t object to beginning a story with strong imagery- far from it. A well-described setting can lay the ground work for motifs, themes, atmosphere, etc. However, the first sentence isnǃ�t so much a description as it is a declaration. Moreover, the sentence ǃ?Artists are known to have gone mad attempting to name all the shades of purple present in the skyǃ? strikes me as being a little hard to swallow. Yes, I know that this is fantasy, but I still get the feeling that maybe you are overreaching a little with that line (besides, most artists are already crazy ;) ). Also, I am not entirely sure how central to the plot Vergaǃ�s skies and peoples and customs are. I have no problem with them being described elsewhere, but I donǃ�t know if you want to begin your tale with it.

    On a more positive note, I did like the juxtaposition of Gem and Ji with the crowds below. I hate to sound too much like an imitator of literary criticism essays, but I thought you were subtle about it. You didnǃ�t elevate your diction when mentioning that they were on the rooftops; you transitioned into rather easily. I suppose I might be reading too much into it. Still I canǃ�t help but mention it, since it seems that you are already hinting at how your main characters are unique and distinguished.

    Inquisitor — 7/4/07 @ 4:27 pm | #Link | Reply

  10. Point 1–mm, thanks, I think. Yes, lots of different forces are at work. That’s pretty much one of the ‘themes’ of this story, if you will. The idea that there’s more than just two factions, or what have you.
    –
    Point 2–eh. I know what you mean. No, they’re not central. At all. To the tale, that is. To the chapter(s), very much so. I wanted (and still want) to make some kind of prologue-type piece to go before this so that Verga isn’t the first bit of HC… but I haven’t yet managed. I realize that the current state of things isn’t optimal. I’ll do something about it.
    –
    Point 3–:)

    Flak — 7/5/07 @ 8:10 pm | #Link | Reply

Leave a comment:

If this is your first time commenting, it will not display immediately.
Some XHTML Allowed: <b></b> <i></i> <a href=""></a> <abbr title=""></abbr> <blockquote></blockquote>

Valid XHTML 1.0 Transitional
Valid CSS!
Dreams of the Quill Circle		 some pages may not validate. dotq.org is hosted by godaddy and runs wordpress, phpbb, and pmwiki.
dotq [dreams of the quill] copyright 2005-2009 flak. stealing minds is bad, bad karma.
dotq subscribes to things like stopping spying and awesome open source applications.
DotQ.org Main Site RSS
DotQ.org Comments RSS
DotQ.org Forums RSS